ATF 10 Gifts of Memory
by retirw
Summary: It's time to remember.


Author's note// indicates thoughts projected or read by another/ _italic writing indicates personal thoughts. _

Still don't own 'em. sigh. Never made a dime off of 'em sigh. Never will sigh, sigh. I promise if I did I'd feed Vin better.

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Gifts of Memories and Dreams

Vin received a call around 10 am at the office. "Charlie? Ever'thin' OK?" he demanded. Heads came up in concern Charlene Chain was an old friend of Vin's they had met her in New Orleans.

"Yer being transferred...Washington State...Your in Denver!... Sure I kin meet ya fer lunch...The Texas Road House on Jefferson at 11...Sure Charlie they're gonna be disappointed though," Vin finished the call.

"Charlie's in town" Buck grinned.

"She wants ta talk 'bout somethin'. She said she'd talk wit' ya'll later," Vin explained.

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Vin sat a cardboard box and a guitar case down next to his desk. Dropping into his chair he just stared at the items.

"Mr. Tanner are you feeling unwell," Ezra's concerned voice asked.

"I'se fine" Vin muttered and went to work. Ezra grew more concerned as the day progressed. Vin was trying to hide his distress. Buck passed the desk and Ezra frowned and pointed to Vin.

"Junior?" Buck asked.

"Yeah Buck," he replied

"Charlie OK?" Buck probed.

"Charlie's fine," Vin smiled slightly. Ezra relaxed when Vin picked up the phone and dialed a number.

"Doc it's Vin Tanner. I need ta get some stuff straight in mah head. I'se at the office till 6:30 then I reckon I'll be at the 'partment," Vin told an answering machine.

"Vin? Could I get Josiah for you? I can be a good listener," Ezra was shocked at his offer. Vin's sad eyes studied Ezra a moment.

"Thank ya Ez, maybe a mite later?" Vin asked.

"Of course Mr. Tanner," Ezra replied.

Vin pulled a flap back on the cardboard box and stalked out. Vin disappeared into a briefing room. Ezra shared worried looks with the rest of the team.

"Chris," Buck rapped on Chris's door. "Vin's acting a bit off you might want to come," Buck called in. Chris strode out looking for Vin. Ezra pointed to the dark briefing room.

"Cowboy?" Chris spoke softly to the still figure. The Monitor screen was on but no signal was going in. "Your tapes not playing," Chris indicated.

"Trying ta get up my nerve," Vin whispered.

"What's on the tape?" Chris asked gently.

"Christmas at Charlie and Red's," Vin choked. "Was 22 days 'fore that damn mission," he panted.

"Charlie gave it to you?" Chris prodded.

"Said she figured I'se ready," Vin's raspy whisper faded away.

"Want me to stay?" Chris offered.

"I figure I'se best start at the beginning and save this'en fer last," Vin stood removing the tape.

"Vin bring your tapes to the ranch tonight," Chris suggested.

"I'll understand if you want to watch them alone. I just don't want you to be alone after," Chris stumbled to a halt.

"I'd like ya ta see 'em," Vin decided. "All right if the rest of the fellas come too?" Vin asked shyly.

"That would be good Vin. Let's do that," Chris brushed his hand over Vin's shoulder softly. The others all agreed to go to Chris that night instead of their usual Friday night at the saloon.

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Dinner was over and the dishes done.

"Reckon it's time," Vin growled heading towards the box of tapes. Quickly sorting through the dates he pulled out a tape and slid it into the VCR.

Snow turned to picture on the screen

A voice called out "Sean Norman Chain that thing better be turned off when I get out there," Charlie's miffed tones filled the room. As the door opened a crack, a hummed verison of The Stripper was picked up on tape. Buck sat forward with a grin. Startled looks passed among the agents as a fully robed heavily pregnant Charlie charged the camera.

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"I didn't realize Mrs. Chain had children," Ezra remarked.

"Yeah two boys Steve and Jim," Vin answered "That'ns Steve he's the oldest." The screen went dark.

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The next scene was of a large yard filled with lawn furniture and a grill in one end.

"Charlie, I did tell you that Blue and Green are bringing the newbie didn't I" Sean was heard to ask as a door bell rang.

"Yes Red you told me so your not in trouble," Charlie's husky laugh rang out.

A powerful black man appeared with a gangly looking red head.

"Hey baby when you going to leave this looser and run off with me," The black man hugged Charlie.

"Tha's Whitman Freeman," Vin named the black man. "Tha red head is Sean Chain". Teasing and jokes abounded as the two men argued over how to light the grill.

"Figure Newbie will come?" Freeman asked.

"Blue and Green are bringing him," Sean laughed.

"Kid won't know what hit him," Freeman agreed.

"He's damn good," Freeman told Sean.

"Fey," Sean said.

"What?" Whit asked.

"A wild thing. Sidhe," Sean mused.

"Sidhe? aren't they elves or something?" Freeman frowned.

Sean grinned. "Fits don't it," Whit shook his head with a grin. The door bell rang again and Charlie appeared with a tall dark haired man and woman.

"Blackwell Morris and Lacey," Vin named them with a shaky voice. Greetings were exchanged. The door bell rang once again.

"I'll get it baby," Sean smiled and patted Charlie's belly. A sandy brown haired man and a stunning woman with golden red hair came out carrying a case of beer.

"Blue and Shannon Dumont," Vin whispered.

"Vin you want me to turn it off," Chris asked.

"I'se fine," Vin sighed and wiped the tears off with his sleeve.

A big black Irishman sauntered out with a tiny Vietnamese woman proudly holding his arm.

"Greg Chaney and Lyn," Vin smiled sadly.

"Where are you?" JD asked. Figures darkened the door and walked out. A underweight coltish Vin Tanner was in the picture. His closely cropped hair revealed the slightly pointed ears. His face was all wary blue eyes a tight frown graced his lips.

"Elf?" a female voice gasped. A misshapen Charlie charged over wrapping her arms around the startled youngster.

"Charlie?" his choked whisper was heard.

"Charlie get your hands off that man," Sean chuckled.

Charlie turned and stuck at her tongue. "He's mine" she declared.

"Charlie!" Sean laughed.

"He's mine. He slept in my bed many a night," She declared.

"Jus' shoot me now," Vin moaned turning a brilliant shade of red.

"Tanner you slept with my wife?" Sean glared over at the youngster.

"Leut'nt I'se maybe eight at tha time," Vin growled.

"I had nightmares. Vin makes a wonderful teddy bear," Charlie snickered. "Everybody have their wallet? Vin was the best pick pocket in Dallas back then," Charlie gloated.

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"Damn Junior did you even cast a shadow?" Buck teased.

"Elf?" Josiah studied Vin with a grin.

"Ah hell," Vin blushed.

"Doesn't look happy to be there," Nathan stated.

"Ah shit," Vin blushed as Chris studied him.

"Petty larceny, Mr. Tanner, I'm so proud," Ezra smirked from his chair. The six agents sat watching the holidays and get togethers of Vin's lost unit.

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The joy of Stevie's birth. The heart break when Lacey divorced Blackwell Morris taking their daughter to New York. The sadness in Shannon Dumont's eyes when she held someone else's baby. Jamie Chain's birth and the hilarious set of circumstances as Vin Tanner got to deliver the squalling baby. Lyn Chaney's three miscarriages. The glow on Shannon's face as she announced she was pregnant at Christmas. The crutches, casts and assorted bandages the men sported at one time or another. A heart wrenching scene of Vin feeling Shannon's baby moving. Vin always seemed to be rocking a baby. Vin sang lullabies in Welsh. Tears, Tempers, Tenderness and Lots of laughter were trapped forever on the tapes. Yet somehow Vin seemed to hold himself apart from the others.

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Josiah was laughing so hard he fell off Chris' couch. Vin appeared in a scene with suspenders holding up his swimming trunks.

"Didn' have enough ass ta hold 'em up," Vin growled.

"Still don't," Chris snorted.

"You already had that dragon tattoo," Nathan commented.

"Always had it, don' ever remember it not being there," Vin brushed off the interest in the very intricate Welsh style dragon that covered most of his left shoulder blade.

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During a scene of the group relaxing around a bonfire on the beach. Red spoke up

"Damned if Falcon can't really play that thing," remarking on Vin's harmonica.

"Of course he can," Charlie replied.

"Then why the awful squeaks and honks," Blue demanded.

"Speech therapy," Charlie snapped back in a temper.

"Vin I'm sorry," she reached out to touch the silent sharpshooter. "It just slipped out," she sighed.

"Don' matter none," Vin comforted the distressed woman.

"Vin?" Blue asked quietly.

"I'se gotta lisp," Vin finally responded.

"What lisp?" several of the unit chorused. Voices were raised in song. Vin's voice was often heard alone.

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"Vin what happened to your voice?" JD asked curiously. All the men had noted in the tapes Vin had a silky tenor.

"Screaming," Vin gritted out. Vin gently reached over touching JD's wrist. "I'se fine JD it weren't a hurtful question. Looks were exchanged between the team at the new glimpse into Vin's past. Vin's relationship with Blue Dumont, and a rarely filmed man simply called Capt'n revealed the silent exchanges that he now had with Chris.

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The last tape played. It was Christmas at the Chain's. Children ran underfoot. Lyn Chaney was obviously pregnant. Shannon and Blue's twins were six months old. Vin sat relaxed on the floor assembling toys for different kids. Whit Freeman seemed to be grafted to a beautiful motherly black woman named Mary. Who brought two more babies into the group. Morris was even seen to smile at times. The film ended with called good nights and Holiday blessings.

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Vin sat silently looking at the blank screen. "They's all dead within six weeks" Vin whispered. "Lyn lost tha baby. She kilt herself on their 5th anniversary," Vin sighed. "I ride down ta see Shannon and tha boys coupla times a year. Mary checks on me regular. She's tha one that sends them cookies ya'll is always snitchin'. They put me in a hospital in Virginia when I got back. 'bout killed 'em being sa far away," Vin's rough whisper continued.

_Almost killed you too. _Chris studied Vin's bent head. Vin got up

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"Ya'll want some popcorn?" he asked as he wandered into the kitchen.

"Sure we can watch 13th Warrior," Chris replied. Vin came back several minutes later with a huge bowl of buttered popcorn.

"What's 13th Warrior? I hasn't seen that," Vin asked.

"Vikings, swords, an arab and more bad guys than a spaghetti western," Buck enthused. It was dawn when the movie ended. The others found places to crash all over the house. Vin fed the horses and groomed Peso. He noticed a few things that needed fixing. Several hours later Chris found him working on a broken gate.

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/You sleep any/ Chris asked softly handing Vin a cup of coffee.

/Nah/ Vin admitted.

/OK/ Chris looked at over the field where several of the horses were grazing.

/Will be/ Vin turned to exchange a look with his friend. Chris nodded with a slight smile.

"Suspenders," he chuckled. Vin flashed one of his rare smiles shyly.

"Charlie said iffen I mooned 'er one more time she's gonna yank a knot in my pucker string," Vin grinned. "Chris what tha hell is a pucker string anyway?" Vin asked.

"I don't know," Chris allowed "sounds painful though". Vin had breakfast with Chris and grabbed a shower.

"Gonna lay down," Vin decided.

"Vin my bed's empty use it," Chris offered.

"Thanks," Vin called as he wandered down the hall.

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Josiah woke and started cleaning up the living room around the sleeping JD. He carefully carried the tapes over to the box to put them up when he noticed it wasn't empty. Several cassette tapes and another VCR tape were still in the box.

"When your ready brother," Josiah sighed.

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ATF OFFICES Monday Morning

JD shifted uncomfortably darting a glance at Vin once more it was Monday morning at the office.

"Somethin' botherin' ya?" Vin finally asked.

"Vin, VCR tapes break down after a while," JD began. "If you'd like I can get those tapes burned on to DVD's. They'll last a lot longer," he offered.

"How much would somethin' like that cost?" Vin finally asked.

"I wouldn't charge you Vin thought I could do it for your birthday," JD shook his head.

"I was thinkin' of making copies fer Charlie," Vin admitted.

"Oh sure I can get you a price later," JD flashed a brilliant grin. JD took the box of tapes with him that evening.

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A few days latter a friend of JD's came by the office with the tapes and two copies of each on DVD.

"Hey JD brought these back to you as soon as I finished them. You didn't say anything about the Music Video or the audio cassettes so I did them too," Al smiled dumping the box on JD's desk. "If you want I know a producer that would be interested in the singer," Al offered. The two gossiped a little and Al took off.

"Music Video? Audio cassettes?" Buck asked.

"I don't have any idea," JD frowned worried that something was done that maybe shouldn't have. When Vin came in JD called him over.

"Vin the DVD's are finished. There was some other stuff in the box and Al did it too," JD said softly. Vin frowned a moment then nodded. "Vin, did I mess up?" JD asked. Vin sorted through the DVD's. Picking one out he headed for the media room.

"Comin'?" Vin asked. Buck and JD followed Vin out. Vin turned on a DVD player slid in the disk and hit play.

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Five US Army Rangers were wearing women nurses uniforms. They began to sing Bad to the Bone by George Theragood and the Destroyers. They shimmed, shook and strutted for a laughing crowd of mixed civilians and military personnel. Vin turned it off.

"It was a benefit fer Muscular Dystrophy," he explained.

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JD grinned "They could sure dance," he laughed.

"Pretty good singers too," Buck smiled looking at Vin he reached over and hit play. Then he tackled Vin before he could reach the player.

"Bucklin, I'se really gonna shoot ya in tha ass," Vin snarled. Nathan, Josiah and Ezra arrived to look in on the ongoing scuffle. JD was convulsed with laughter in the corner.

"That's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen," JD hooted.

"Bucklin yer dead," Vin yelled from under the bigger man.

"Brothers violence isn't the answer," Josiah lectured.

"Pin Vin down and I'll replay this for you," JD smirked.

"Ah hell," Vin moaned.

"Mr. Tanner seems distressed over our possibly viewing the video," Ezra noted as he made himself comfortable and turned to the screen. Josiah and Nathan helped Buck subdue the wriggling Tanner. Chris walked in and glared at his crew.

"Would you join us in viewing a music video Chris," JD smirked. Chris noted Vin's heightened color and the way they had him pinned to a chair.

"Sure," he smirked into Vin's murderous glare. The Rangers appeared women nurses uniforms once again strutting their stuff for posterity. Bad to the Bone thundered in the background as the men sang. They rolled in a huge bassinet with a blushing Vin Tanner aboard. A huge bottle rested beside him. A World War I German officers helmet with a spike adorned his head. Black leather harness boots were on his feet. A black leather jacket was worn open revealing his chest and belly.

"Good Lord," Ezra exclaimed "he's wearing a diaper".

"Look at them boney knees," Buck chortled. Vin thumped his head on the table moaning softly.

"Watch it there Junior," Buck addressed the screen where the young Tanner snatched at his sliding diaper.

"He's cute as a button," Josiah smiled at the embarrassed sharpshooter.

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The men turned back to the screen when Blue and Red's voices spoke in concerned tones. They were in dress uniform standing outside a door.

"Is Falcon going to be able to do this?" Red asked in concern.

"He'll do fine," Blue assured. Painful retching was heard from behind the door.

"You sure Blue?" Red frowned at the door.

"He'll do it he's just gonna feel awful" Blue laughed softly. A flush and the sounds of water were heard. Then the door cracked open and a pale shaky Vin appeared in dress uniform.

"Who were it that volunteered me fer this?" Vin asked in a deadly tone.

"Shannon and Charlie," Blue smirked.

"Ah hell," Vin sighed.

"Are you going to be able to do this?" Blue asked.

"Don't know think I left a lung in there wit' my stomach". The two older men laughed at the shaky youngster. Gentle hands turned him and headed down the hall.

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The next scene was in the sanctuary of a church on what appeared to be Easter morning. Vin's powerful dark tenor lifted in song. "It is finished" The hymn lifted to the rafters in a joyous declaration. The service was simple yet so beautiful. Blue sang "Watch the Lamb". A hush fell over the congregation when Vin sang "He's Alive". An awed silence lingered for several moments as the song faded away. The sermon direct and beautiful in its simplicity. The scene ended.

Josiah stopped the player.

"That was ..." JD trailed off unable to find words.

Chris studied the clear eyes of his friend and shook his head. "Just full of surprises aren't you cowboy," he commented. Buck shook his head in wonder.

Nathan's eyes were soft with pleasure. "Feels like Sunday," he smiled.

"If the services I had attended had been more like that one," Ezra's voice trembled slightly.

"Wonderful," Josiah wiped his eyes and smiled over at the shy Tanner.

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Chris pressed play and the DVD started. A dark stage and a spot light opened the scene. A pale and shaky Vin walked to the stool carrying a twelve string guitar. Sat and began playing. After a false start Vin began singing. John Denver tunes, several classical pieces, Old Gaelic ballads, Garth Brooks melodies and several beautiful pieces that were unknown. The guitar sang and Vin's dark rich voice twisted through and around the chords. Then his voice fell silent and the guitar sang alone single notes blended into chords which grew into melody. The talented fingers played Ode to Joy.

"Incredible Beethoven on a guitar. It worked beautifully," Ezra sighed as the DVD ended.

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Josiah gently nudged the others out the door as Vin broke down and cried. Thirty minutes later Chris carried in a large coke sitting it on the table in front of Vin and sank into a chair.

"That was powerful Vin," Chris nodded at the screen. Vin nodded without speaking.

"I've never heard you sing," Chris sighed.

"Cain't voice is ruined," Vin's hoarse whisper answered.

"Have you tried?" Chris asked.

"Cowboy I'se never gonna be able ta sing," Vin choked.

"Sounded like you loved the music," Chris gentled.

Vin shrugged, "Don't matter now".

"Play the guitar?" Chris tried again.

"Fingers is messed up" Vin growled and drank some of his coke.

"Vin, before you storm out of here I want you to listen to me for a minute," Josiah stood patiently in the doorway. Vin raised bleak eyes and finally nodded. "God gave you an incredible gift. Your voice and hands have been damaged maybe beyond repair. The music is still there Vin in your heart and soul. That hasn't changed. You need to find a way to use that gift. Your never going to be happy till you do," Josiah spoke quietly. Vin sighed and nodded.

"I'se goin' back ta work now," he growled and headed out of the room.


End file.
